How we introduced quiet time and rest time for our toddler

As a parent, I know I'm not the only one that sometimes would be counting down to naptime, knowing it would be a good hour or two break for myself to rest and reset before the afternoon commenced. It's common for children to have that nap around midday until they're around 3-3.5 years old, so when my toddler dropped his nap at 2 ... it was quite a shock to the system! It hit me harder than I could have imagined trying to adjust to a new routine without that break in the day, as well as support a cranky, tired toddler in those later hours of the afternoon when I myself was feeling exhausted.

Cue, quiet time!

I'd seen this phrase floating around the internet, albeit for children who were older, however I thought that it could at least be something we try and incorporate so that we both had time to rest our bodies during the day (even more needed at the moment whilst pregnant!). At the point of introducing, my toddler was 2 years 8 months. I reckon we could've started earlier, perhaps more like 2.5 years, but after suffering from hyperemesis during early pregnancy we've been doing lots of work on reconnecting together...and quiet time was going to involve separation, so it had to wait a bit!

Walkthrough of how we introduced it:

On the first day, we talked about what quiet time was for - the importance of having a time to both rest our bodies, but that he didn't HAVE to sleep, as this was a big no no for him. He did not want 'nap time'. I showed him how he could play with the toys in his room, lie down on the cushions, read books etc, but kept reinforcing he didn't have to have a sleep, it was just time to be by himself. To begin with, we wound down together with a story in his room and I set up the timer, Yoto with an audiobook on and some sensory lights. I turned the lights off and partly shut the curtains so that the room was dim, but not dark like at bedtime. The toys I left out were ones that he can do completely independently and didn't need any adult supervision. As this was only day 1, I only set the timer for 10 minutes and explained I'd sit outside his room. He isn't used to being separated from me so this was a transition we needed to do gently. During this first try, I sat outside his room but out of sight and just kept repeating the phrase 'It's quiet time now. Mummy's having quiet time too. I'll be back when the timer turns red.' if he attempted to interact/show me things/asked me to play. I did feel guilty, but I knew that in the long run, I needed this to work to be a better Mum, and his little body really needed it to!

The next day we repeated the same wind down, I set the timer for 10 minutes again but this time said I was going to do the washing first, then have my quiet time (our laundry room is next door so is super convinient!). He was content with this and although called me a few times, I was able to be in the next room the whole time and just repeated the phrase 'Mummy's having her quiet time.' when needed. The repetitive phrase gave him reassurance that I was still there, but he realised I wasn't going to be having a chat or coming to join him etc. It also showed that I wasn't off doing something he'd prefer to be involved in! I was doing the same as him.

During our second week of implementing quiet time, I upped the time each day, from 10 to 15, 15 to 20 and then 20 to 30 minutes. Doing this in slow increments definitely helped whilst he's still quite little and barely has any time away from me normally! Each day I went through the options for quiet time - set out the toys , books and cushions etc, and did the same wind down routine of dimmed room, audiobook and sensory lights. I still stayed in the next room during these times and kept to the same reassurance phrase. We had a few more grumbles (as expected when setting a new routine), and a lot more requests and 'issues' like dropping things over the gate on his doorway to try and get me to come. Once I explained that I will get the item the first time, but if it goes over again it'll stay till the end of quiet time, he quickly got the message! Although this quiet time period was still only a very brief part of the day, it did give me time to sit down in the spare bedroom, have a coffee and do some editing etc on my phone and the perseverance of doing it gradually would hopefully pay off eventually.

After this second week, realistically I knew that he wasn't going to really manage more than an hour in his room alone - and even this is amazing for his age really. However, especially whilst pregnant, I knew I needed a little longer than that really to rest myself. So, we introduced a slight change in routine for week 3. After having lunch together, we cuddled up on the sofa to watch around half an hour of TV together. He had his dummy, blanket and bear on the sofa and we called it 'quiet time', changing upstairs bedroom time to 'rest time'. We try to have very limited screen time normally during the time, so it was nice to have that time to be 'together' before a time apart and meant that he did actually sit for it. He doesn't usually have his dummy during the day either, so this was a big incentive to stay ON the sofa rather than roam and play, as the dummy would go if he wasn't doing 'quiet time'. Consistency and boundaries are key with setting up any routine. Although some days in week 3 we then had a bit of upset and resistance going upstairs to his room for rest time, once in his room he settled quickly. He even said 'it's good to rest my body' as this is what we'd been saying about WHY we have rest time, which I was pleased about as naturally I was still feeling the Mum guilt for making him spend time alone. It turned out that having some TV time before hand (carefully chosen, slow programmes) meant that his body had been able to slow down and actually, he chose to lie on his cushions and just listen to his Yoto audiobook each day - a couple of times dropping off for a little snooze! Usually he is such a busy body and finds it very hard to settle to sleep at bedtimes etc because of this, so a longer time to wind down clearly helped. I'd set the timer for 30 minutes and then upped it to 45 minutes later on in the week. I made sure, again, that I followed the same routine for the room set up as I had the weeks before.

A month in and we've now upped the 45 minutes to an hour. We still get some grumblings on mentioning it being rest time, but he settles quickly once in his room. He will mostly just lie listening to audiobooks whilst fiddling with some toys, or even have a little snooze! Sometimes he'll play a little to start with but mostly, as I said, from sitting or lying on the cushions instead of being up and about in his room. I definitely think that even if he doesn't sleep, which I don't expect him to, his little body is SO grateful to have time to be slow and stiller than usual! It means our afternoons go a lot more smoothly as we both have time to have a break, and aren't crawling our way through those tricky last few hours of the day anymore. It also means that I now have an hour to go and do what I want/need to do - which is mostly resting in my own bed at the moment!!

I'm not saying how we've done quiet and rest is right, nor perfect! It's just how it's worked for us, and so hopefully it might help others too. Definitely being consistent has been key, and starting with a very short period of time to begin with seems to have been positive. I'm sure that both quiet and rest time will continue to adapt as he gets older, and won't necessarily have to happen in his bedroom, but for now, having the separate safe space away from me is what is needed for us both.

If you have any questions, please do pop them in the comments below or send me a DM on Instagram! :)

Additional notes:

I think it's also worth saying that his room is completely safe and secure as it's been set up in a Montessori-inspired way anyway, so I know that there aren't hazards. He has a gate on his door for safety, as his room is at the top of the stairs. This is shut during rest time but the door is left open, as it is at night. I also have a baby monitor still in his room so I can keep an eye on him.