Follow the child, but first, open the door

You have probably heard the phrase 'Follow the Child' before. It's a phase commonly associated the Montessori Method, and is a really beautiful principle - one I believe in deeply.

However, I also think that is one of the most frequently misunderstood ideas in early childhood. The misunderstanding can actually limit children, rather than help them to flourish.

In this blog post, I want to unpick what 'following the child' really means, and talk you through the part of the principle that often gets left out.

What following the child is not

Let me start here, because clarity about what something is not, often helps us understand what it actually is.

Following the child does not mean stepping back entirely and letting children lead every moment of every day with no adult input, no guidance and no introduction of anything new.

It does not mean that whatever a child is currently interested in is all they should ever be exposed to. It does not mean that the adult has no role in shaping the environment, the experiences or the opportunities available to the child.

It does not mean that boundaries, rhythms and limits should be absent from a child-led approach.

What children actually need from us

Children come into the world not knowing how wide it is.

A baby has no knowledge of what exists beyond their immediate sensory experience. A toddler’s world is their home, their garden, the faces they know and the objects within reach. A preschooler is beginning to reach outward through books, and experiences, but they are still entirely dependent on the adults around them to open the doors to what they do not yet know exists.

This isn't a problem. It's the nature of early childhood.

However, it means that we, as parents, carers and educators, have a responsibility that goes beyond just following the child. We have a responsibility to introduce, to offer and to facilitate children's ability to notice, wonder and their natural investigative instinct.

We have to open some doors.

The full principle

I think that 'Following the Child' is actually a two-part principle, rather than a single instruction.

We introduce. Children lead. We then follow.

It's us as the adult's role to introduce children to the breadth of the world, to the richness of what exists, to the experiences and ideas and materials and places and possibilities that they could not discover entirely on their own. We do this tailored to them still, by knowing and understanding them, and by consciously and purposefully thinking about what we think they may be interested in and what may spark something in them.

But, once the door is open, we then put trust in the child to lead us.

If they walk through a door we've opened, and their interest is sparked, they want to learn more, go deeper, extend their knowlegde and return to it all again and again... then we faciliate this. We help them build on their interest through offering more breadth and depth. This may lead to more doors opening.

However, sometimes, we will open a door and children may glace through it, but it doesn't spark anything in them. They aren't interested. That's when we close that door gently, without putting any pressure or disappointment on them. We can't force them to be interested in something they are simply not ready for or drawn to right now. We can instead, return to observation and understanding of our child, and try again, by opening another door when the moment feels right.

It may be that a door we've opened unsuccessfully remains closed forever more, or, it may be that it simply wasn't the right time, and we can offer it again in the future.

What this looks like in real life

My eldest is currently obsessed with fossils and prehistoric life. This did not happen by accident. It happened I introduced him to it.

As many young children are, he has a particular interest in dinosaurs. This led to conversations, books and documentaries which introduced him to mammoths and other prehistoric creatures. This then led to fossils (and further into gem stones and other special rocks). I opened those doors at moments he was ready for them, and he hasn't ever looked back!

Since then I have continued to follow him - even booking family holidays to help give real life experiences of fossil hunting, seeing different types of rocks, and exploring crystals, fossils and geodes.

I have not directed his interest or structured it, nor turned it into a curriculum. I have simply followed wherever he has led, with as much wonder and genuine curiosity as I could bring.

That is following the child in its fullest sense. I introduced, based on an initial interest. He led. I followed.

If I had never opened those doors, he may never have discovered such a deep interest at such an early age. That discovery has brought him so much joy, so much learning and such a deep, rich season of curiosity.

Opening the door matters.

Finding a balance

There is a beautiful tension at the heart of this principle, and it's important we find the right balance at each different stage of our child's journey through childhood.

Introducing too much - too many doors opened too quickly, with too much adult agenda driving the experience, means that children lose their sense of ownership and agency. They become passive recipients of what adults think they should be interested in rather than active drivers of their own learning.

Introducing too little - never offering anything beyond what the child spontaneously discovers means children’s worlds become smaller than they need to be. They miss out on experiences that might have sparked something extraordinary, simply because nobody ever opened the door.

The sweet spot is a genuine partnership. An adult who observes carefully, introduces thoughtfully, responds warmly and then, crucially, allows the child to follow their own direction, whilst continuing to facilitate, guide and support.

Why this principle matters so much

Following the child, in its fullest, most honest sense, is one of the most respectful and empowering things we can do for a child. Though this principle, children are trusted, and their capabilities are belived in. It helps them realise that we as adults understanding their own developmental journey and their internal drive for learning and growth. However, it also says "I am here. I am paying attention to you. I care enough to open doors for you, to introduce you to the breadth of the world, because you deserve to know how wide it is."

Both parts matter equally. The following and the opening. The trust and the introduction. The stepping back and the guiding forward.

This is not a passive principle. It is one of the most active and attentive things we can do as the adults around children. It requires us to observe carefully, to think deeply about what we offer and why, to read our children’s responses with genuine curiosity and to respond to what we see with both trust and intention.

In my opinion, I think it is one of the most important things, that we must learn to do well when raising and working with children.